Holy Indifference

Then Mary said, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’…. Luke 1:38 

One concept that I learned early, in my walk with God, is that of “surrender.” This is discussed more in traditions associated with John Wesley than in the Reformed tradition. The most well-known prayer of John Wesley opens with the words: “I am not mine own, but thine.” The idea is that our discipleship is not so much about what we are doing for God as allowing God to work through us, to shape us into the people that God wants us to be. It is to be in such intimate relationship with our Lord that we are attuned to the Spirit and move in alignment, to be so sensitive to the Spirit’s voice and movement that we desire what God desires.

Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit Order, calls this “holy indifference.” He explains that this meant the disposition of heart and soul in which we desire only what contributes to the glory of God. It does not mean that we do not care about the people or situations around us. Rather it means that we are not attached to a particular outcome for our work, efforts, relationships or prayers. We are content to engage in the holy work of justice, mission, prayer and relationship, while leaving the results of these efforts, which we are unable to control anyway, to God. In the words of spiritual theologian Gordon T. Smith, it is “the inner posture of freedom, where we are able to say and feel that we are open to whatever God will.”

This is like the posture which Mary takes when she received news from the angel that she was to bear God’s child. As a young, unmarried woman in a highly patriarchal culture, and a daughter of a conquered and oppressed people, she was extremely vulnerable. She had every reason to fear for her own safety as well as that of her loved ones in the case of an unwed pregnancy. Yet, her response is one of unconditional surrender to God. This is a gesture, not only of trust but also of utter intimacy. Because Mary knew that the God of Israel is not only almighty and powerful but also loves her and the people of Israel beyond measure, this God is one on whom she could lean on, love and obey. 

How do we do this? Well, it’s certainly not easy! When I try to surrender, I find my thoughts pulled back to the things I am worried about. In times of decision-making, when I pray to discern God’s will and choose accordingly, I find myself preoccupied with various anxieties or praying for a specific outcome rather than for God’s will, no matter what it is. If you are anything like me, you might be wondering what to do about that.  

Well, one thing not to do is not to deny our anger, our anxieties or our desires. God desires for us to be completely honest with him, and to do that we need to be completely honest with ourselves. It is also completely appropriate to pray for particular outcomes, for ourselves or for others. God knows our desires and our fears, and a mark of intimacy is being able to communicate them to God. Scripture records God or God’s representatives telling his people, over and over again not to be afraid. Psalm 37 tells us to: “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

I think that’s just it! John Calvin tells us that in all things we should trust God because God is both all-powerful and all loving. In Calvin’s theology, God is able to care for us because he is God, and he desires to, because he is our Father. Ultimately holy indifference or surrender to God’s will is rooted in trust and intimacy. God knows our desires and our fears and our needs and desires what is best for us; and God is sovereign. God’s reign in Christ Jesus is already taking place even as its fulfillment will come. Knowing and believing this is the prerequisite for surrendering to God’s will. We still need to lean into the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives through prayer, meditating on Scripture and the work and life of community and mission to grow in our sensitivity to God’s voice and to say no to the things that are opposed to God’s will, but that too involves trusting God’s work in us.  

I believe that is what enabled Mary to say "yes" to God, to receive into her body and spirit the Word of the Lord. She did not hide her questions or her doubts. From the brief glimpses of her life that we have in the Gospels, we know that she felt anxiety, grief and sometimes confusion at the words and actions of her Son. Nonetheless, underlying all of it is the trust that God’s purposes are being fulfilled through her Boy and a willingness to engage fully in the work that God has called her to do in the process.  

That is our call as well. Holy indifference ultimately means resting in the Lord, resting in his arms like a “weaned child with his mother.”  We can tell God all that we desire and fear, pray for ourselves and those we love, and then leave the outcome in God’s hands, knowing that in his wisdom, he knows what is best and that he is able to bring that about. Thanks be to God!  

Love and blessings,  

Pastor Julia